What is the price of comfort?

Suzanne Mercier - Monday, March 22, 2010

You've probably heard the expression that we won't change until our current reality has become too painful to remain where we are.  We might know we "shouldn't" be eating as much chocolate, or we should exercise more, or we don't really need that extra glass of wine, or a particular relationship is toxic or we need to speak out about how we really feel.  However, until the consequences of us not acting on that knowledge become too costly, we aren't going to change. 

Why?

Of course, there could be so many reasons.  One of the primary ones is that change is difficult for us.  It brings up uncertainty; fear of the unknown.  We will be disrupting the status quo which could include our current job, our  relationships, family, lifestyle.  We may react in a positive way, seeing the uncertainty and fear as an indicator that something exciting is about to happen.  Or we may see it as moving into the danger zone just a bit too far outside our comfort zone.  The fear and anxiety can become crippling and all we want is a blanket to hide under.

Let's flip it and look at what might be outside your comfort zone that would give you reason to go through the relative trauma of change.  If you experience the imposter syndrome and can relate to feeling like a fake or fraud, afraid of discovery as being "not good enough", you may not be able to consider what might lie beyond where you are right now.  You may consider yourself incredibly lucky to have got to where you have, given that it clearly had nothing to do with you.

Consider the question:  "If you could do anything and have anything you wanted, what would that be?"  If you knew you had no limitations, what would you love to achieve?  What difference would you like to make?  what legacy would you like to leave behind when you finally depart this world - hopefully many fruitful years from now?  If you experience the imposter syndrome, you may feel that's a pipe dream because when we're in that space, we can't associate with our talents and without them, how can we be of service? 

If preventing yourself from leaving a legacy isn't enough, think about something a little closer like the relationships you have with friends and loved ones.  When we're in the imposter space, we aren't even connected with ourselves, let alone anyone else.  Is there a yearning inside you to really connect with others; to be seen and completely accepted for who you are?  In order to experience that, we need to be authentic - to truly see ourselves in all our glory with all our warts and completely accept that we are worthy just as we are.

Or what about your career?  What could you do there if you had the confidence to really go for it?  What difference would you like to make at work?  While you're in the grip of feeling like a fake or fraud, that simply can't happen. 

Feeling like a fake and fraud, feeling not good enough, has nothing to do with reality.  It's a totally distorted self-image that prevents you from seeing all that you truly are, and from really making your contribution at any level.  Is that enough to motivate you to go through the uncharted territory of change?

What do you think?  I'd love to hear

All the very best

Suzanne