Suzanne Mercier - Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Today I was waiting for a ferry and engaging in people watching. A young woman came down the steps to the jetty shortly after I did. Instead of sitting down, she stood in the centre of the jetty, totally absorbed in her own world. She was lovely and very colourfully dressed. Her top was silver, pants aqua, socks purple, shoes patterned and her bag was orange. I loved her individuality. As I watched her, I noticed her toes tapping and assumed she was listening to her ipod. No wires! She was tapping her foot to some inner beat. Even more fascinating.
As I watched her, she became aware of my gaze. She immediately stopped tapping her toe and seemed to withdraw in on herself.
Now I know that according to the Hawthorne effect, the observer affects the phenomenon being observed. I couldn't help wondering what was going on in her mind as she curtailed her natural behaviour. I was really hoping that she didn't think I was judging her in some way.
Too often, that's the conclusion we draw when we catch someone looking at us: that they're finding some fault. That's totally unproductive hallucination at work. While it's possible that they may be judging us, it can be equally true that they find us interesting, perhaps even intriguing.
In the business environment, when we put ourselves forward in some way and we get a response we don't know how to interpret, how much more common is it that we interpret the response in a negative manner than any other way? Far more common in my view! We don't allow for different processing styles or other possibilities. And then we adjust our behaviour to what we consider to be more acceptable to other people. No wonder we have such a hard time figuring out who we are.
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
Comments
Your observations rock! It was so great to read this post, and I want to share with you a little something that happened in my life recently. It's at least along the same lines...
I have been doing some work practice experience at a Vet to see if this is something I want to get in to. I was scheduled to come in on a Friday morning and since I'm not working there, only observing for my own benefit, they have said that I can come and go as it suits me. Anyway, this Friday I was held up by a builder that didn't finish on time so I couldn't go. I called the Vet and left a message with the girl in reception where I said "I'm sorry I can't make it and can you please give me a call and let me know when another good time for me to come in would be". The girl in reception promised to pass it on to the Vet.
I didn't hear anything for a few days, and thought this was a bit odd. The Vet had stricken me as the type of person that is very organised. So I started thinking that maybe she was upset that I didn't come in when I sad that I would?
Anyway, I called and left another message, again asking the Vet to ring me and let me know when I could come in next. I heard nothing.
So in my mind I decided that she was upset with me for whatever reason, which I couldn't figure out what it might be... So I stayed away.
Until my cat got sick and I actually had to go because of that! (This is the local Vet we've been seeing for years). So I went. After examining the cat the Vet said to me "So did we completely put you off the Vet trade then?" And I said "No! Haven't you got my messages?" And she told me she had only got the first one, and only the part that I couldn't make it!
So there we both were, thinking the other one didn't want to continue the relationship - and we were both wrong! Just because someone in reception didn't pass on the full messages!
How interesting is that?! So from now on, when I really want something, I'm going to assume the best and keep going! To stay brave and not think about what others might be thinking about me...
Love,
Sara
PS. The cat is all good now, he'd probably eaten something that didn't agree with him...