Judgement keeps rearing it's ugly head

Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, May 13, 2010

A while back, I had extended business dealings with an acquaintance.  This person had been pretty upfront about her views on the way we would work together which I was pleased about.  What I wasn't pleased about was the way I was treated during the period of time we worked together.  I became increasingly frustrated, disappointed and, towards the end of our time working together, even angry.  I felt slighted; my ego was bent out of shape.  At the conclusion of our time together, I breathed a sigh of relief yet every time I thought about this person, I became quite agitated.  I realised it wasn't over for me.

So, I sat down and wrote out the positives and negatives of the experience.  I was surprised that they were out of balance, but on the side of positive outcomes, not negative.   I realised that I had so much to be grateful for that had come directly from our business relationship.  How could I not have seen that at the time? I could have saved myself heaps of angst! 

What I also realised was that in my evaluation, I placed more value on the positive outcomes than the non-positive outcomes.  Yet I teach people that there is equal value in both sides of the equation.  From the "not so positive" side of the equation, when I allow myself to acknowledge my feelings come the lessons and the opportunities to grow. 

A third, and key realisation was that I had taken situations in this working relationship and interpreted them according to my values, my beliefs and my filters.  I had judged what the other person's behaviours meant and I related them back to me.  I'm sure with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight that I was hallucinating.  In all likelihood her behaviour had nothing to do with me.  The key here is to identify information and to accept it as just that - without entering into a positive or negative judgement about what it means.

Judgement closes us in and detracts from our wisdom because we filter a situation through our own way of looking at the world, not allowing for other possibilities ... until we get that it's just information and we allow ourselves to hold that space.  Not always easy.

What do you think?  I'd love to know.

All the very best
Suzanne