"Imposters" don't have integrity!

Suzanne Mercier - Tuesday, December 08, 2009

     The word integrity is often misused or confused with honesty.  Integrity refers to wholeness, alignment, integration.  When we refer to personal integrity we are talking about alignment of 3 key aspects of self:  How I really see myself (the 3 a.m. test); How I would like others to see me and How they actually do see me.  When someone is integrated - operating from integrity - those three aspects of self overlap.   They are all communicating the same thing.  People around get a sense of solidity and unconsciously trust that what they see is what they get.

     At least 70% of us, though, experience the Imposter Syndrome at some stage in our careers, and around 33% of us experience it at a chronic level.  When we are feeling like imposters, we feel that we are not good enough and we do everything we can to keep this "fact" from the world.  The two internal aspects -  How I really see myself and How I want others to see me - are light years apart.

     If we have the tendency or even the possibility of experiencing imposterhood, we will have a quite different view of ourselves than the one we would like others to see.  We put forward a side of ourselves that is what we want others to see - we put on a mask.   This mask may be founded on some true personal characteristics, but it is highly unlikely that what we present is complete.  For most of us, the mask excludes some of the aspects of ourselves that we find unpalatable - the shadow-side.

     Other people certainly pick up the mask at a conscious level because that is what we are presenting.  Yet, they pick up more.  At an unconscious level, they pick up that something isn't quite right.  They intuitively feel that there is more than they are seeing and experiencing and this leads to a sense of mistrust.  Similarly, they may pick up that someone is far more talented than they are letting on and question why they would withhold their talent.

     So, what do we do with that information???

     There are several important pieces of information here.  Firstly, the view we hold of ourselves when we feel like imposters is distorted - not real.  We can see feedback on our strengths and successes from someone we trust and start to redress that distortion.  Secondly, when we hold a very different and negative view of ourselves and hide it behind a mask, others still get a sense that there is something else going on.  They are getting conflicting messages from the mask and from the sense that we are withholding something.  Finally, we need to realise that it is OK to acknowledge and accept that we have talents, skills and qualities.  It is not immodest - particularly when those talents, skills and qualities are grounded in humility and gratitude.  After all, we can't be of service if we don't acknowledge that we have something to offer.

     What do you think?  I'd love to hear.

Thanks.
Suzanne