Great expectations!

Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, April 08, 2010

Expectations play a huge role in our lives, whether we're aware of it or not.  People tell us about a fantastic film and it sets up an expectation about the experience we're going to have when we watch it.  We start a new role or project and have expectations about what is going to change in our lives as a result.  The same with a new relationship.  We may have expectations of other peoples' behaviours.  Our expectations become a benchmark  that our experience has to meet in order to have a neutral experience or exceed in order to have a highly positive experience.  We are often disappointed.

Similarly, people have expectations of us based on so many factors such as the view they formed when they read our resume, on someone else's testimonial or reference, on their perception of who we are or who we could be if we worked hard. 

When the expectations are on the basis of the qualities and talents we embody, then the expectation is for us to step up to who we can be.   That is a positive intention and generally a positive experience as we become aware of our own possibilities.

Too often, though, the expectations others have of us are more to do a second chance at living their own unfulfilled dreams or some idea of what we "should" be doing which has little to do with who we really are and the talents we embody.

When others have expectations of our behaviours and accomplishments and these other people are important to us, we will do our best to deliver on those expectations.  The cost of not delivering is their disappointment in us so we learn to be who they want us to be so we can feel accepted and appreciated.  The problem is that the person we become to avoid causing disappointment is not our authentic self.  As a result, we can develop a totally distorted self view - that the person we truly are isn't good enough and that if we can achieve something, it can't exactly be rocket science. We diminish our successes and true talents.  We can start feeling like imposters and lose track of the amazing being we truly are.

What do you think?  I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne