Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, March 18, 2010
I was talking with an incredibly talented and accomplished colleague yesterday. She had lost her confidence and hope for the future; everything seemed hopeless. As we talked through what was going on, it suddenly struck me that I knew what was going on for her. She thought everyone else was doing so well compared with her. She was looking at herself as having lost the plot and lost her talent, in spite of solid evidence to the contrary (she has been exceptionally successful in the public arena).
Perhaps you can relate to what she is currently experiencing. I know I can. When we deny our talents and successes and think we're not good enough, we also tend to focus on our shortcomings and failures. We develop a distorted view of who we are and what we're capable of. Then we compare ourselves to what we see others doing and achieving; we compare our lives to theirs and somehow, ours seems pastel in comparison.
The problem is this. We're comparing a negatively distorted self-view with the polished mask the other person we're comparing ourselves to has carefully put in place. We don't know what that person is really thinking and feeling. Perhaps they truly are that confident. Chances are, though, with at least 70% of highly successful people experiencing feelings of imposterhood, they're doing the same thing as you are!
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
Comments
First of all: It's so cool to see that you are blogging quite regularly. Love it!
Now, for your topic today I think it's really interesting. Ever since I studied Social Psychology I've been really interested in the masks people put on in their daily lives. We read the book "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life" by Erving Goffman and I was totally hooked. It's easy to put on an act outwards, to look all together and project success. I think most of us know how to do that. This is what we are taught to do since we're little kids! It's not ok to cry at school, we need to sit down and be quiet, behave at the restaurant, whatever it is. That is part of upbringing and maybe it's also part of bringing us apart from ourselves? We get told that it's not ok to be just the way that we are.
Which is why what you do with the Imposterhood is so exciting!
I think that when it boils down to it, we're all human and we're all the same. So if I'm feeling insecure, maybe the best thing to do is assume others around me are the same and then I can feel connected to them rather than apart. So when I go down the track of being self-critical, it might help to remember that others do it too!
I don't know if any of this is making any sense... I just felt I wanted to reply to you as I thoroughly have enjoyed looking through your posts!
Keep up the great work gorgeous woman! And hope to see you soon!