Suzanne Mercier - Tuesday, December 08, 2009
The word integrity is often misused or confused with honesty. Integrity refers to wholeness, alignment, integration. When we refer to personal integrity we are talking about alignment of 3 key aspects of self: How I really see myself (the 3 a.m. test); How I would like others to see me and How they actually do see me. When someone is integrated - operating from integrity - those three aspects of self overlap. They are all communicating the same thing. People around get a sense of solidity and unconsciously trust that what they see is what they get.
At least 70% of us, though, experience the Imposter Syndrome at some stage in our careers, and around 33% of us experience it at a chronic level. When we are feeling like imposters, we feel that we are not good enough and we do everything we can to keep this "fact" from the world. The two internal aspects - How I really see myself and How I want others to see me - are light years apart.
If we have the tendency or even the possibility of experiencing imposterhood, we will have a quite different view of ourselves than the one we would like others to see. We put forward a side of ourselves that is what we want others to see - we put on a mask. This mask may be founded on some true personal characteristics, but it is highly unlikely that what we present is complete. For most of us, the mask excludes some of the aspects of ourselves that we find unpalatable - the shadow-side.
Other people certainly pick up the mask at a conscious level because that is what we are presenting. Yet, they pick up more. At an unconscious level, they pick up that something isn't quite right. They intuitively feel that there is more than they are seeing and experiencing and this leads to a sense of mistrust. Similarly, they may pick up that someone is far more talented than they are letting on and question why they would withhold their talent.
So, what do we do with that information???
There are several important pieces of information here. Firstly, the view we hold of ourselves when we feel like imposters is distorted - not real. We can see feedback on our strengths and successes from someone we trust and start to redress that distortion. Secondly, when we hold a very different and negative view of ourselves and hide it behind a mask, others still get a sense that there is something else going on. They are getting conflicting messages from the mask and from the sense that we are withholding something. Finally, we need to realise that it is OK to acknowledge and accept that we have talents, skills and qualities. It is not immodest - particularly when those talents, skills and qualities are grounded in humility and gratitude. After all, we can't be of service if we don't acknowledge that we have something to offer.
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
Thanks.
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Saturday, December 05, 2009
Last week I talked about the limitations fear brings into our lives. I ended that blog with the comment that we get what we ask for ... and what we believe we deserve.
This week I want to talk about beliefs and how powerful they are.
Many years ago, I was fortunate to be told about the incredibly powerful work being conducted by Dr. Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist specialising in muscular dystrophy. He stated that only 5% of diseases are caused by genetics and the rest of them are diseases of belief. He proved that the protein sheath that covers our DNA behaves and interacts in response to messages received from the brain and that our brain perceives and interprets "reality" according to what we believe to be true about the world around us.
We have beliefs about many things - about other people, about situations and most importantly, about our identity. when we experience Imposterhood, our beliefs about ourselves are quite distorted as we are unable to claim full responsibility for our successes. We tend to believe that we are less intelligent than others or than others might think we are. We believe if we can do something, anyone can do it and so we dismiss our talents and skills as not measuring up.
We put incredible power into those beliefs and they manifest in us living much smaller lives than we are capable of. We stop ourselves from reaching out for opportunities, acknowledgeing and celebrating our successes, asking for the salary increase that should come with the increased responsibility, putting forward our great ideas. We stop ourselves from dreaming big and we may search fruitlessly for more meaning in our lives. Yet we can't find fulfillment if we deny who we are, the talents we have and the services we might provide to others.
Here's a thought for 2010. What will happen if we turn the power of those beliefs that limit us into beliefs that support us? What will happen if we stop beating up on ourselves and start to appreciate who we truly are? What will happen if we allow ourselves to step up into the shoes that are waiting for us ... the shoes that are rightfully ours. What will happen if, reflecting on the words of Marianne Williamson for Nelson Mandela, we decide to embrace our light, not our perceived inadequacy.
Now that sounds like a great start to the year! What do you think? I'd love to hear.
Thanks
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Saturday, November 28, 2009
I've now been in business for myself for around 16 years and over that time frame, I've done heaps of selling courses with some very reputable and experienced sales trainers and coaches. I've prepared great marketing materials. I've had well planned cold calling campaigns in place, made appointments where I asked terrific questions, listened effectively and talked passionately about what I could offer. I've developed great relationships, many of which are still in place today. The thing I haven't done over that time ,though, is to ask for the sale or referral. As long as I kept it soft and sweet and didn't turn it into a commercial conversation, I couldn't be turned down or rejected on a personal or business level. Sounds crazy doesn't it: to allow fear of something that hasn't even happened and quite possibly won't happen to stop me from doing something that I wanted to do and needed to do in order for my business to survive let alone grow.
Fear brings out the need to control; the need to reduce uncertainty. When we feel that fear, we tend to pull back into the centre of our comfort zone - the sweet spot - in order to reduce the discomfort of feeling fearful. However, fear is simply a piece of information that tells us we are venturing into an area that is unfamiliar and where we don't know the rules. I really admire people who feel that fear and get excited because they know they are at the outer reaches of their comfort zone and about to have a breakthrough. I admire their courage and faith that they will be OK and that they are right to push through. If you've experienced the exhilaration of pushing through something you didn't think you could do, then you know what I'm talking about. You feel as though you could take on the world.
So, coming back to fear stopping us from "selling", how would it be if we recognised that there are lots of reasons people don't buy and most of them are not about us. They may include situational issues like timing and resources. There may be someone else who is offering them EXACTLY what they need or who has experience within the potential client's company or industry.
How about for 2010, you decide that you are going to go for it; that you are going to put yourself forward and ask for opportunities and referrals. If and when you get a knockback, a constructive way to handle it could be to ask for the reasons - what could I improve; what would have made this a more attractive offer for you? Make it about the service you offer, not about your identity.
What could 2010 hold for you if you dared to ask? A new job? New cilents? A promotion? Salary increase? It will hold whatever you ask for ... and believe you deserve.
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
Thanks.
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Sunday, July 19, 2009
With the benefit of hindsight, I realise I’ve been shortchanging myself in my career for the past 30 years. Every time I got close to being successful, I would switch directions. The most common reason for this was that other people were starting to work in the same area and I thought I had to be unique in my Intellectual Property for someone to want to work with me. So, I moved from branding and positioning to marketing strategy to business strategy to personal development to employee engagement and to my current focus which is personal authenticity, Authentic Leadership and what gets in the way.
What motivated me was the belief that I needed to be unique for all the right reasons. That hasn’t changed. What has changed, though, is my realisation that very rarely do we have completely original thoughts. They are usually extended from the great thinking of the giants who came before us. And others will base their thinking on ours, if it’s good enough. So, I can’t stop others from communicating on the same subject. Indeed, why would I want to if I am truly dedicated to making a difference in the world.
The only way I can truly meet my need to be unique is to be me. Others don’t do me as well as I do (assuming they would even want to) and vice versa.
So, what are our clients buying? When there are 10 or 100 or more of us communicating on the same topic, how are they going to choose the right person to work with them? The answer is that once the objective criteria is met, the decision will be based on who we are and how we make them feel. The power of personal authenticity is that they get a true read on who we really are.
What do you think of personal authenticity and what clients are buying? I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks.
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Sunday, July 19, 2009
Following from the first blog, I started thinking about women, fear of success and the Glass Ceiling. For years, it has been suggested that the glass ceiling is something a chauvinistic corporate world has put upon women.
That may well be true. And I wonder whether fear of success and what we'll have to pay for it are a large part of the equation? What if getting involved in the politics, posturing and game playing that occur within most organisations is too high a price for many women to pay? What if we just don’t want to deal with that BS? What if we just want to get on with the job without all the extraneous stuff?
I certainly recall from my own corporate career that I just wanted all the silly politics to go away so I could do a great job. I didn’t want to have to 2nd guess what someone was saying to me, or to look for hidden motives and try to interpret them, together with their possible impact on me and my job.
I walked away from my high flying corporate career in advertising so I could do it on my terms. Have any of you had a similar experience? What do you think about the glass ceiling? I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks.
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Sunday, July 19, 2009
We all know that men and women are different, right? Apart from the obvious. We think differently. We have different drivers and we were raised or conditioned differently.
In general, men have been brought up to think of themselves as the bread winner and head of the family. Whether they can do it or not, they step up and work it out from there.
Women, on the other hand, have been brought up to consider themselves the nurturers, the ones who hold the family together, the ones who have and primarily raise the children, who set up and maintain the home. Now, I know that nothing is as black and white as this, and most of us have had conditioning along those lines.
When it comes to the Imposter Syndrome - that condition of feeling like a fake or fraud and not good enough, even in the face of evidence to the contrary - men and women experience it in similar numbers although it manifests very differently.
Men are reputed to fear failure. Their concern is that they cannot provide for the family or fulfill their role as the head of the family.
While they also fear failure, the main fear for women is the fear of success. They are concerned that the price they have to pay for success will be too high. It might cost them their partner, family, friends, social life or some other important area in a balanced nurturing life.
With 2 divorces, no children and a totally unbalanced life in favour of work, I can certainly relate to this. What about you? What is your experience? Do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks.
Suzanne
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