Suzanne Mercier - Friday, March 19, 2010
When we feel like imposters, we deny our qualities, our experience, our successes. We may not see these qualities or achievements as valuable because if we have them or have accomplished them, they can't be that difficult or impressive. When we come from that perspective, we have no hope of accessing our true and deep wisdom.
Just think, for a minute, of a time when you felt not good enough. Perhaps it was a mild, fleeting feeling; perhaps it had greater impact than that. From the perspective of that feeling, were you able to see and tap into your talents? No! Your mind was most likely on a negative loop, running in that downward spiral, especially if it was a severe "attack". When we feel not good enough, we are not resourceful.
On the other hand, when we recognise that feeling not good enough is just that - a feeling and not a reality - we can start to peel back the masks.
Getting in touch with our authentic selves involves increasing our emotional intelligence - developing our understanding of who we really are - what we value, what we believe, how we view the world. It involves developing an internal compass that helps us make decisions and interact with the world. It involves shifting from judgement to curiosity about ourselves and others. This gradual emergence of who we really are involves recognising that we are all "children of the universe", no better and no worse than anyone else (remember "Desiderata"). We all have our unique talents - the gifts we have been given to be of service in the world. All of us have things we don't do so well. That makes us the same, not different and certainly not a cause for shame and separation. the question is what are you going to focus on?
Back to wisdom which, simply put, is our ability to accurately assess people and situations and to consistently make the best decisions to achieve the best outcome. To access our unique wisdom, we need to accept our wonderful gifts and talents. We need to tap into our incredible intuition as well as our logical intelligence and we can only do that if we recognise that we have intuition we can trust and intelligence that we have demonstrated over and over again.
What do you think? I'd love to hear
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, March 18, 2010
I was talking with an incredibly talented and accomplished colleague yesterday. She had lost her confidence and hope for the future; everything seemed hopeless. As we talked through what was going on, it suddenly struck me that I knew what was going on for her. She thought everyone else was doing so well compared with her. She was looking at herself as having lost the plot and lost her talent, in spite of solid evidence to the contrary (she has been exceptionally successful in the public arena).
Perhaps you can relate to what she is currently experiencing. I know I can. When we deny our talents and successes and think we're not good enough, we also tend to focus on our shortcomings and failures. We develop a distorted view of who we are and what we're capable of. Then we compare ourselves to what we see others doing and achieving; we compare our lives to theirs and somehow, ours seems pastel in comparison.
The problem is this. We're comparing a negatively distorted self-view with the polished mask the other person we're comparing ourselves to has carefully put in place. We don't know what that person is really thinking and feeling. Perhaps they truly are that confident. Chances are, though, with at least 70% of highly successful people experiencing feelings of imposterhood, they're doing the same thing as you are!
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Wednesday, March 17, 2010
On many occasions after speaking, I have been asked about "becoming authentic"; what happens, how long does it take? In my response, I seek to convey that it's not a click of your fingers thing, that imposterhood and its flipside - authenticity - aren't digital but rather two ends of a continuum, and that authenticity is a gradually revealed state. It is an uncovering of who we really are, underneath the protective mechanisms we put in place. Here's an idea of what the journey might be like.
At first, we may simply be aware that there is something not quite right
about our interactions and responses. Life isn't the way we want it to be. We don't feel good about who we (think we) are. We may then become aware that we are putting on a mask which is who we think others want us to be in that situation, not who
we really are. If we follow that thought and consider who we think we
really are, we will probably become aware that how we see ourselves
doesn't logically compute with what we've achieved and how others see
us. We may challenge our own beliefs and bust them. We may let the
truth seep into our distorted self-view. Once we become aware, we can't
go back. We realise we're doing it to ourselves and at that point, we
have a choice.
The path to authenticity involves peeling back those masks one at a
time, one situation at a time and looking upon our authentic selves with
appreciation and compassion. It is a process, a journey and like any
journey, it takes time to reach the destination. Along the way, we see
ourselves with kinder and more realistic eyes. We see our qualities and
start to feel more comfortable with them. We stop focussing on the
things we don't do so well, recognising that we're not the only ones
with faults. We come to understand that we're not the only ones who
feel not good enough so we can let go of the shame. We may even develop
a sense of humour around some of the things that would have paralysed
us earlier in the journey. We really start to like ourselves. We catch
ourselves having critical thoughts and question them. We lift
ourselves out of the hole that is imposterhood and see all the others
doing exactly the same thing. We are not alone on this journey to
authenticity.
What do you think? I'd love to know.
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Is Rudd an imposter?
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So much of life goes on around us and we accept it as real without challenge. This is the first of our ratings of people who touch our world in some way on the basis of imposterhood or authenticity.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched Good News Week along with millions of other viewers. It was the night Kevin Rudd was tested on his historical political knowledge. What first crossed my mind was "I didn't think he was that funny!" and then it occurred to me that I was right and perhaps it had been scripted as a publicity exercise.
I went into the forum of public opinion and while I realise it's hard to be objective when politics come into it ... here's a taste:
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That man is such a media tart
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Some how I doubt Paul asked the hard questions
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Pathetic attempt to improve his image.
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Might be just me, but $250m to the networks then he gets a cozy 15min spot on a popular tv show to boost his image sound odd?
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C'mon, orchestrated and scripted to make the guy out to be something he is not - a leader and decision maker.
I didn't read all 405 comments, but the several pages I looked through were mostly negative comments about Rudd's lack of authenticity.
Source: www.news.com.au
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Suzanne Mercier - Monday, March 15, 2010
When we feel like an Imposter, our motivation is to protect ourselves from discovery. Our behaviour is fear-based and we defend ourselves from perceived attacks. Our defenses are like walls that clearly separate ourselves from others. These defenses make it for anyone to get close to us because the last thing we want is for them to see us as "not good enough" - the way we see ourselves. Defenses also make it challenging for us to receive feedback because we perceive it as an attack - a statement about our unworthiness or incompetence which hits home because that’s what we secretly fear.
Defenses are very different from healthy boundaries which can be defined as the physical, emotional and mental limits that define us individually as separate from other people. It means accepting that - at one level - we are separate individuals with our own emotions, needs, attitudes and values and that the people in our lives, including our children, are also separate individuals. They have no right to control us and we have no right to control them. When we have a solid sense of who we are, we have more choice and greater flexibility around our behaviour. Our self-awareness and comfort with who we really are enables us to take feedback, to continue the earlier example, as information to be considered and learned from rather than a personal attack.
Of course, at another level we aren't separate at all. We are completely linked in to each other, physically, energetically, spiritually. That's for another time though.
What do you think? I'd love to hear
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Yesterday, I talked about Hugh MacLeod's contribution to "What Matters Most" and discussed the first of his statements that had truly resonated with me: "Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside."
Today, I'd like to raise the other statement that really grabbed me which was "Meaning scales, people don't". Let me first state that I don't know what Hugh MacLeod meant: we all perceive ideas so differently. What I think he was referring to and what I take out of that statement was that meaning takes us to our highest point. It is about relative magnitude. When I think about purpose and meaning, I think of being in service of something much bigger than me. It might be a group of people, it might be our local community, it might be much bigger than that. The effect on us is that we focus on our strengths and the end result we want to create or contribute to, not on our petty insecurities, failures and weaknesses. Meaning takes us to a much higher level of ourselves. Without meaning in our lives we are less; we drop to our lowest denominator.
What do you think? I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Tuesday, March 09, 2010
I was reading through the e-book "What matters now" released by Seth Godin and contributed to by many authors. Hugh MacLeod of Gaping Void wrote his page on "Meaning" and instead of a short article, he presented a series of seemingly random thoughts that all related to meaning. Two of his almost 40 random thoughts really resonated.
The first one was "Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside". The simple wisdom in this offering is fabulous. So many of us have totally distorted views of who we are and what we are capable of. We compare that distorted self-view to the mask that another person puts on to interact with the world. We have no idea what's actually going on inside someone else's head - all we can do is look at the behaviour and draw our conclusions. Many people we encounter on a daily basis exemplify "fake it til you make it". If we compare ourselves to the very carefully constructed or at least controlled persona, we're comparing our distorted self-view to something that isn't necessarily real. All that does is cause us to feel small.
I'll cover the second aha tomorrow.
What do you think. I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Monday, March 08, 2010
As many of you know, I've been pretty fired up about Purpose for many years - in fact, just about as long as I've been in business for myself. The growing interest in Purpose and the evidence that Purpose makes a significant difference to the bottom line is exciting. 15 years ago, books like "Meaning, Inc" (Gurnek Baines), "Purpose: the starting point of great companies" (Mourkogiannis) and "Firms of Endearment" (Sisodia, Wolfe & Sheth) wouldn't even have been conceived, let alone hit the best seller list. An increasing proportion of businesses are now recognising that Purpose and meaning at work are a critical starting point for companies that have high levels of engagement and enjoy growth at levels unheard of in non-meaningfull companies.
For an organisation to be truly authentic, it needs to know why it exists - what is its' reason for being beyond putting money into the pockets of shareholders. Purpose is the internal compass for authentic organisations. It
influences all decisions, all behaviour. It provides an opportunity
for people to see how - through their work - they are making a
significant contribution to society at some level. And we're all on the journey to find meaning in our lives.
What do you think. I'd love to hear.
All the very best.
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Friday, March 05, 2010
I was talking with a wonderful women the other day about humility. It occurred to me that now is a god time to talk about the distinctions between humility and low self-esteem.
When I have low self-esteem, I feel that I am not good enough; I simply don’t measure up. If I have the tendency towards the Imposter Syndrome (see article....) I am likely to engage in defensive behaviours to protect myself from exposure as the fake I feel myself to be. Both my verbal and non-verbal language will reflect that internal reality. I may sound weak and wimpy, uncertain and needy - seeking approval or reassurance from others. My shoulders may be slumped, eyes downcast. Certainly not a power position.
Contrast that with someone who has humility. I believe we can only have humility - humbleness - when we have incredible internal strength. We have developed our internal compass - which includes compassion for others - and we operate from that compass in all our decision making. We do what’s right for us over and over again, even when it’s not easy, building our character. When we truly believe that we are fine just the way we are; when we don’t need to prove anything to anyone including ourselves. We can be flexible because we know that the small stuff isn’t that important. We see our talents and strengths as gifts and we know others have been equally blessed. “Better than others” doesn’t even enter the equation.
I know which one I’m aiming for.
What do you think? I’d love to hear
All the very best
Suzanne
Suzanne Mercier - Thursday, March 04, 2010
When I worked as an account director and strategy planner in the advertising industry, we would have branding sessions with our clients as a first step to creating their brand and advertising strategy. Working through features and benefits was fairly straightforward. In my view, the challenge came when we started talking about the brand personality: the brand values in action; the way customers will experience the brand and the human characteristics they would attribute to the brand as a result of their experience. Our clients would ask the question "what do the customers want us to be? Who do we need to be in order for them to relate to us and want to buy our product or service?" At that stage of my own development, all I registered was a really uncomfortable feeling - like we were being deceptive - although I wasn't able to articulate it as a complete lack of authenticity.
This is many years ago and my fervent hope has been that brands have recognised the need to be honest and transparent with their customers. Yet, the media is filled with stories about brands not delivering on their promise. Also increasing are the number of stories about consumers becoming more demanding of authenticity in their brand experiences.
Personally, I like to know who I'm interacting with. Then I can make a choice whether I want to continue the relationship and at what level. Same with branding. If I've done my homework well, I've picked a product or service that I have the expertise to deliver and which genuinely meets the need or want for enough people. Some will really like who I am; some won't. The customer relationships I do have will be genuine and deep; rewarding on both sides.
What do you think? I'd love to hear
All the very best
Suzanne
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