Imposterhood Blog

Authentic businesses start with purpose

As many of you know, I've been pretty fired up about Purpose for many years - in fact, just about as long as I've been in business for myself. The growing interest in Purpose and the evidence that Purpose makes a significant difference to the bottom line is exciting.  15 years ago, books like "Meaning, Inc" (Gurnek  Baines), "Purpose: the starting point of great companies" (Mourkogiannis) and "Firms of Endearment" (Sisodia, Wolfe & Sheth) wouldn't even have been conceived, let alone hit the best seller list.  An increasing proportion of businesses are now recognising that Purpose and meaning at work are a critical starting point for companies that have high levels of engagement and enjoy growth at levels unheard of in non-meaningfull companies.

For an organisation to be truly authentic, it needs to know why it exists - what is its' reason for being beyond putting money into the pockets of shareholders.  Purpose is the internal compass for authentic organisations.  It influences all decisions, all behaviour.  It provides an opportunity for people to see how - through their work - they are making a significant contribution to society at some level.  And we're all on the journey to find meaning in our lives. 

What do you think.  I'd love to hear.
All the very best.
Suzanne

Humility vs. Low Self-Esteem

I was talking with a wonderful women the other day about humility.  It occurred to me that now is a god time to talk about the distinctions between humility and low self-esteem.

When I have low self-esteem, I feel that I am not good enough; I simply don’t measure up.  If I have the tendency towards the Imposter Syndrome (see article....) I am likely to engage in defensive behaviours to protect myself from exposure as the fake I feel myself to be.  Both my verbal and non-verbal language will reflect that internal reality.  I may sound weak and wimpy, uncertain and needy - seeking approval or reassurance from others.  My shoulders may be slumped, eyes downcast.  Certainly not a power position.

Contrast that with someone who has humility.  I believe we can only have humility - humbleness - when we have incredible internal strength.  We have developed our internal compass - which includes compassion for others - and we operate from that compass in all our decision making.  We do what’s right for us over and over again, even when it’s not easy, building our character.  When we truly believe that we are fine just the way we are; when we don’t need to prove anything to anyone including ourselves.  We can be flexible because we know that the small stuff isn’t that important.  We see our talents and strengths as gifts and we know others have been equally blessed.  “Better than others” doesn’t even enter the equation.

I know which one I’m aiming for.
What do you think?  I’d love to hear
All the very best
Suzanne

Authenticity backed by consumer dollars

Authentic businesses?

Can businesses be authentic or an imposter?

A business is simply a collection of people.  It reflects the people who work within it, particularly its leaders and senior management.  If those people are authentic, that's how the business will be perceived.  If those leaders hide who they really are - if they experience the feeling of not being good enough and the impulse to hide how they see themselves from the world - that will play out within the organisation.  Leaders influence culture and culture influences the way in which employees carry out their responsibilities.  I'm talking about values - the real values that are encompassed in the Unwritten Ground Rules articulated by Steve Simpson.

A few years ago, I worked with a very large multi-national organisation, delivering business strategy, marketing strategy and customer service training for a large segment of the business.  During the time of my relationship, the organisation employed expensive big name consultants to help them define their culture.  An offsite strategy session delivered a list of values that were taken on as the culture of the business and widely promoted.  In fact, senior management were so enamoured of the values that they used them to name the different conference rooms.  So we would meet in "integrity" or in "service".  The problem was that staff made fun of the room names and snorted when I asked them what the values meant to them.  That was my first encounter with UGRs.  The values were way off and meant nothing to the people who worked there.  They were more easily able to articulate how things were really done around there and it had nothing to do with the values.    This organisation - through its senior leaders and managers - was an imposter.  They were portraying themselves as something they were not.

Imposter organisations may look great from the outside - that's the carefully constructed mask we're seeing.  We don't get that sense of depth and integrity that comes from true authenticity.

What do you think?  I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne

The Business Case for Authenticity Part 3

In my recent blogs, I've talked about the first two key principles of authenticity:  being real and accepting just who we are, and understanding ourselves so we can develop an internal compass.  In this blog, I'll talk about understanding power, stepping into our personal power and why personal power is a business issue.

Commonly, when we talk about power, most people think of power over someone else:  command and control.  After all, that's the most common power we're exposed to through our parents, caregivers, teachers, lecturers and finally our managers or CEO.  In organisations, power is a reality and we are now recognising that the constructive use of power has an influence on the level of engagement an employee feels with his or her organisation.

When I talk of power in the context of personal authenticity, I'm talking about personal power, separate from any power that may come from position, knowledge, contacts or other sources.

Personal power does not involve power over anyone else.  It means that we drive the bus that is our life.  What we do with our life; what we hope for; how we find happiness is entirely up to us.  Personal power simply involves domain over ourselves meaning that individually, we take responsibility for ourselves, the responses we have to circumstances, for the outcomes we create, as well as for the way we take and use the feedback those circumstances provide us with. 

I've put this forward as the third key principle of Authenticity because I believe we need the other two at least on the radar before this one is feasible.  We need to have  recognition of our talents and skills, our successes, what is important to us and an understanding that how we perceive the world around us is unique to each of us, based on beliefs, values, past decisions and various other filters.  We need that level of personal acceptance without judgement to see that we actually have power and are not helpless, victims to the whims of others. 

Personal power, based on self awareness, brings with it both responsibility and choices.  If we don't like what's going on around us, we can change it by changing our response to it, changing the environment, examining our beliefs, searching the situation for feedback that provides the opportunity to perceive or behave differently.  We can set healthy boundaries rather than strong defenses.  We can leave others to their own experiences without the need to control them, judge them or correct them.  And if we do need to change something someone else is doing because it's not working and it's our responsibility to ensure it does, we can do so in a respectful manner without the need to belittle the other person.

How does personal power impact on work?  People with personal power know what works for them and what doesn't.  As mentioned earlier, they have healthy boundaries rather than strong defenses.  This means they are better able to take feedback and use it to improve some aspect of their performance.  They respect themselves and others and are able to actively participate in team building - the storming and norming phases.  They are comfortable putting forward a different view than the one on the table, which breaks up group think.  Their communication is clear - what they say is what they mean and what they will do.  They don't engage in covert behaviour where they say one thing and do the opposite - such as agreeing to a course of action, then sabotaging it.  They are capable of figuring out what gives their lives meaning and fulfillment and because of that, they can more readily see where they can make their contribution.

An employee who is self-aware, into personal improvement, takes responsibility for their own actions and reactions, has a strong internal compass and steps into their own power ... is an incredibly valuable and engaged employee.  And that leads directly to improvements on the bottom line.

What do you think?  I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne

The Business Case for Authenticity Part 2

When I talk about authenticity, I talk of 3 principles that are involved.  I covered the first one in the The Business Case for Authenticity Part 1: being real and accepting our qualities and flaws, without judgement.  I also talked about perspective being the key differentiator between whether something is a quality or a flaw.

In this blog, I want to address the next principle involved in authenticity: knowing yourself and acting with integrity.  

Lao Tse famously said:  It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self.  How easy is it to look at other people, what they do and how they do it, while making assumptions about their motivation!  It’s so much more difficult to see ourselves clearly.

In fact, that is one of the challenges of feeling like an imposter.  We have a totally distorted self-view because we tell ourselves that we’re not good enough and that if others really could see us, they would know we’re not as intelligent or capable as they think.  Often this feeling comes from not recognising that we have gifts and talents - we think that if we can do something, then it can’t be rocket science and therefore it’s not special.

When we truly know ourselves, what we value, where we place our priorities, what we will do and what we won't, it makes decision-making so much easier.  We develop an internal compass; our own true north.   On the occasions we don’t follow our internal compass, we experience feedback by way of misgivings or some other attention-getting feeling.   On the other hand, when we make decisions that follow our internal compass over and over again, we develop character and self-respect.

People get a sense of solidity and groundedness from their experience of us.  They recognise the alignment - what you see is what you get.  They sense consistency, and trust starts to build.  Trust is the foundation of solid relationships at whatever level we conduct them.  

Bringing this specifically back to the business environment, trust is a large part of what is missing in our organisations today.  Over the past 5 - 10 years, we have learned of leaders in highly respected organisations who misappropriated funds, misled their public, treated staff poorly and so on.

Leadership emerges within organisations at any level when an individual comes forward with a sense of Purpose, a Vision, strong values and the courage of his or her convictions.  Their passion and integrity are inviting.  People want to be around them; to follow them.  In other words, these leaders have discovered their true north - their internal compass - and they live by it.  They know what brings their lives meaning and fulfillment.  They have a unique contribution to make in the work space.  

That sounds to me a lot like highly engaged and engaging leaders who have something to offer and who inspire others around them into action.  If that isn’t important to business, then what is?

What do you think?  I’d love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne

The Business Case for Authenticity Part 1

Over the past few weeks, I have been travelling around Australia, talking to C-level women executives at sphinxx development events (www.sphinxx.org).  My subject was authenticity and what stands in the way, namely the Imposter Syndrome.  At the conclusion of the last event, I went back to the table I had been sitting at to collect my bags and accidentally overheard some of the participants talking about the day.  The comment I heard was to the effect that 'Suzanne's topic was personal, not business'.  I was surprised because I thought I had made the case for the value of authenticity in the workplace.  Clearly not if they hadn't got that message.  

I think authenticity anywhere is important and that it is a critical factor of the way we need to do business.  So, I've decided to devote a few blogs to that effect.

In this blog, I'll talk about being real and acceptance of ourselves as whole beings and how that contributes to performance at work.

As many of you may have heard me say, authenticity is subjective - how authenticity manifests for each of us is different.  There are some key principles that relate to authenticity.

Authenticity is about being real.  We all have qualities and limitations.  Many of us find it much easier to list our limitations than we do to identify and claim our strengths; our qualities.  Then many of us use those limitations to keep ourselves separate and reinforce the "not good enough" paradigm we run.  If we are to be authentic, we need to see both sides of the coin and accept them equally, without judgement.  When we see our limitations as cause for shame, it keeps us separate and our primary motivation commonly is to keep others from seeing those limitations.  Yet, if we see them, accept them and even share them, we will find that others have things they're not so proud of either.  That in itself can create connections.

Similarly, when we see that we have talents and gifts and accept them with humility and gratitude, we are in a position to use them.  Those talents and gifts don't make us any better than anyone else; they are simply what we've been given to work with.  Others have their valuable gifts and talents too.

At work, our employing organisations (yes, that includes our own business), expect us to bring all of ourselves to work.  At least, they want the good stuff - the past experiences, the creative thoughts, the skills and talents that can be cross-contextualised to work.  Within our strengths, lies our ability to make our unique contribution at work.  You may have experienced, though, that our employers don't particularly want the downside of having the whole beautifully flawed human being at work.

What is a flaw though?  In my view, it depends on how you look at it.  Being judgemental and critical can be seen as negative.  In a different context, though, it can be seen as discerning.  Being sensitive can be seen as negative.  In another context, sensitivity can be seen as caring and support the ability to be empathetic.  In other words, a quality is just that and we put the spin on it - positive or negative.

So, to be authentic, the first step is to be honest with ourselves and with others about who we are and what we offer - with all the magic and warts.

Being real about who we are without judgement allows us to connect with others regardless of how similar or different they are to us - without judgement:  think performing teams, collaboration, high morale, strong communication and friends at work which impacts on employee engagement as just a few work areas impacted by being real or authenticity.

Being real without judgement also allows us to put forward our ideas and other any other contribution we can make:  think innovation, the lifeblood of any competitive organisation.

More soon.

What do you think?  I'd love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne

Perfection or simply perfect?:

Many of us have been challenged by growing up with one or more perfectionist parents or or caregivers.  For those of you who are lucky enough to not know what I’m talking about, let me explain.  

A perfectionist is someone who has in their mind an ideal as an outcome for a particular situation.   That ideal is something intangible that cannot be found fault with in any way.  The next step in this sabotage pattern is that we hold up what we have achieved in the same context and compare it to our ideal - now mind you, most of us who are perfectionists couldn’t exactly tell you what perfection is in that situation.  We know, though, that we haven’t achieved that ideal.  We look at what we have achieved and instead of celebrating our achievement, we focus on the gap between our achievement and this intangible ideal.  

Having been raised by a perfectionist and having internalised that perfectionist way of looking at things, I recently had a breakthrough!  Perfection and perfect are poles apart.  We can’t achieve perfection and perfect is within our reach every minute of every day.  

Perfection is a rod with which I flagellate myself (sounds vaguely naughty doesn’t it!) for not measuring up, compared with perfect as a statement of complete acceptance and surrender.

Perfect suggests that all is in the right place at the right time for me to learn, receive, grow and move forward as a human being.  Everything is appreciated for the gift that it brings even when it might seem, on the surface, to be challenging or difficult.  How different is that from perfection, where I stunt my own growth by not even allowing myself to appreciate what I have actually achieved?  

So,as a very wise friend of mine, Joanne, says ... “Perfect, it is perfect.  Thank you for everything.”  Try saying that to yourself instead of beating yourself up for not measuring up.  You’ll feel better and who knows what magic you’ll create.

What do you think?  I’d love to hear.
All the very best
Suzanne

Putting things into perspective

When we experience feeling like an imposter, that feeling is about the mistaken belief that we are not as clever or accomplished as our current circumstances would suggest.  Our successes, if we can see them at all, are due to good luck, others’ mistaken views of us, charm - any factor other than our own abilities.  Because we can’t see our own responsibility for the success we experience, we aren’t able to internalise that success and build on it, at the same time building our self-esteem.

Feeling not good enough is accomplished by the drive to ensure no-one else gets to see that.  We can become very self-protective and accomplished at diverting or deflecting unwanted attention. We may judge and criticise others, righteously holding them to a standard of perfection we can’t reach ourselves.   All those behaviours are driven by fear.

The interesting thing about fear, though, is that while the feeling is real, the “story” we’re telling ourselves is not.  Fear is a conditioned response based on our current view of the world - our beliefs, attitudes and values, past experiences, decisions, needs and so on.  That conditioned view informs our actions which dictates the results we get in our lives.  For example, if we think we’re not good enough, that forms the goggles we have on when we look at the world around us.  We act with “not good enough” in our minds and we get “not good enough” results which, in turn, reinforces that we simply don’t measure up.  We need to break the cycle.

Fear exists in the future, not the present.  Fear arises our body is in the present time but our mind is focussed on some future event that creates anxiety in us.  The event hasn’t happened and we’re tying ourselves up in knots about it.  Living in the present can get us past that anxiety and worry about something that may or may not lie in our future.

For many of us, fear can exist at the edge of our comfort zone.  We experience something unfamiliar and instead of feeling excited about the breakthrough we’re about to have, we can feel afraid and pull back into the safety of what is familiar.  When we do this, we deny our human drive to grow and evolve.  To use the words of Stephanie Burns, we need to come closer and stay longer so that the overwhelming feeling of fear recedes and we are able to move through it.

So when you feel not good enough and are afraid that you just won’t measure up, here are a few tips that just might help you get past it.

 You’re in good company.  At least 70% of people experience that feeling and some of them are very famous indeed.  Knowing that if you spoke to 7 out of 10 people and confessed that there are times you feel like a fake and fraud, they would say, “yes, me too” must take the sting out of it.
The feeling you are experiencing is based on a totally distorted self-view.  Find someone you trust and ask them for honest feedback on your strengths and successes.  Then listen to them rather than dismiss what they tell you.
All behaviour has a positive intention - a gain for you.  What is the positive intention in feeling like a fake and fraud?  And is there some other way you could satisfy that internal need so you can experience who you really are and what you’re capable of?

I’d love to hear your experiences and views.
Suzanne

Imposterhood at Christmas: Increase your flexibility

Next week, like many of us, I'm going to join my family to spend time together, to relax, to eat good food, drink wonderful wine and connect. 

At least, that's my intention. 

I have a wonderful family and they are always concerned that Christmas is a great time.  Of course, there's a lot of organising to do, food to buy, roles to allocate, all in between working and taking care of the family.  The tension builds and by the time Christmas Day comes, everyone is exhausted.  I'm sure that's a familiar story to many of you.

What we need is flexibility.  I'm not talking about physically exercising more (although I could definitely benefit from that).  I'm talking about emotional flexibility.  You see - and you probably know already - when we're tense, we lose much of our emotional resilience.  Out the window goes our patience, our empathy and our ability to make conscious choices.  We can be more easily triggered into old patterns.  We become reactive and it happens before we even know it.  That's why we need the flexibility.

Before we can be flexible, though, we need the split second it takes to realise "Hmm I'm having a reaction to this.  Something's going on."  Then we are in a position to decide how we want to respond.

Breathing deeply helps.  The first time we breathe deeply, we let go of stress and release the air / energy in our diaphragm.  The second time we breathe deeply, we circulate the breath / oxygen around our bodies and up to our heads, clearing our brains and allowing us to make more conscious positive choices.

So, take two breaths before you respond and while you're doing that, remember why you're there.  It's the bigger picture and family is important.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, whatever that might look like for you.

All the very best

Suzanne